Day Drinking in Progress...
How Do I Make the Snooze Minute Last as Long as the Treadmill Minute?
Hold on let me overthink this
Careful-This shirt is holding everything in
It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.
Me: This show is boring. Boss: Again, this is a Zoom meeting.
Unmute yourself -2020
You're muted. -2020
You're on mute. - 2020
Tell your dog I said Hi
autocorrect can go to he'll
Ask me about my tan lines
I have great tan lines
I have no tan lines
I have tan lines
Fat people are harder to kidnap - stay safe, eat cake
How I would get kidnapped free coffee
Mmm… Dirty bean water
I'm awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things
Next week has been exhausting
The geek shall inherit the earth
Day drinking in progress - stay tuned for shenanigans
How I would get kidnapped free beer
I am attending the shenanigans. I shall return presently
If I'm ever "the voice of reason" we're all screwed
Tomfoolery in progress
The first rule of passive aggressive club is… you know what, never mind. It's fine.
Tough times don't last. Tough people do. Unless they die.
You can't fix stupid. Not even with duct tape.
I do all my own stunts
I've never been held hostage, but I have been on a group chat
I am never gonna financially recover from this
I don't even work here
I just work here
50% of Roger Federer's name is "er"
Camping - It's in tents
Ending sentences with prepositions is where it's at.
I am silently correcting your grammar
I would be a doctor, but I don't have the patients
Irony - the opposite of wrinkly
Its not interchangeable
They're, their, there, everything is going too be okey.
Your the fool
Dad Joke Loading
My wife says I don't listen and I need to be more something or other
My wife says I don't listen to her… or something like that
World's Okayest Dad
Pi Doesn't Repeat
Pie is a real-time pie chart of how much pie is left [pie with slices missing]
Pizza is a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left [pizza with slices missing]
I just found out 51 is divisible by 17 and now I want to throw up
If I had a dollar for every time I used algebra as an adult, I'd have 'x' dollars
The beatings will continue until morale improves
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself.
Use the force, Harry - Gandalf
This is my Friday shirt
This is my Monday shirt
This is my Saturday shirt
This is my Sunday shirt
This is my Thursday shirt
This is my Tuesday shirt
This is my Wednesday shirt
This is my drinking shirt
This is my party shirt
Example Collection Title
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