Day Drinking in Progress...

How Do I Make the Snooze Minute Last as Long as the Treadmill Minute?

Hold on let me overthink this

Careful-This shirt is holding everything in

It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.

Me: This show is boring. Boss: Again, this is a Zoom meeting.

Unmute yourself -2020

You're muted. -2020

You're on mute. - 2020

Anonymous Hippopotamus

Tell your dog I said Hi

autocorrect can go to he'll

Ask me about my tan lines

I have great tan lines

I have no tan lines

I have tan lines

Fat people are harder to kidnap - stay safe, eat cake

How I would get kidnapped free coffee

Mmm… Dirty bean water

I'm awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things

Next week has been exhausting

The geek shall inherit the earth

Day drinking in progress - stay tuned for shenanigans

How I would get kidnapped free beer

I am attending the shenanigans. I shall return presently

If I'm ever "the voice of reason" we're all screwed

Tomfoolery in progress

The first rule of passive aggressive club is… you know what, never mind. It's fine.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do. Unless they die.

You can't fix stupid. Not even with duct tape.

I do all my own stunts

I've never been held hostage, but I have been on a group chat

I am never gonna financially recover from this

I don't even work here

I just work here

50% of Roger Federer's name is "er"

Camping - It's in tents

Ending sentences with prepositions is where it's at.

I am silently correcting your grammar

I would be a doctor, but I don't have the patients

Irony - the opposite of wrinkly

Its not interchangeable

They're, their, there, everything is going too be okey.

Your the fool

Dad Joke Loading

My wife says I don't listen and I need to be more something or other

My wife says I don't listen to her… or something like that

World's Okayest Dad

Pi Doesn't Repeat

Pie is a real-time pie chart of how much pie is left [pie with slices missing]

Pizza is a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left [pizza with slices missing]

I just found out 51 is divisible by 17 and now I want to throw up

If I had a dollar for every time I used algebra as an adult, I'd have 'x' dollars

The beatings will continue until morale improves

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself.

Use the force, Harry - Gandalf

This is my Friday shirt

This is my Monday shirt

This is my Saturday shirt

This is my Sunday shirt

This is my Thursday shirt

This is my Tuesday shirt

This is my Wednesday shirt

This is my drinking shirt

This is my party shirt

Example Collection Title

Example Collection Title